Last Saturday, I couldn't stop my tears. There was a foreign and yet not unwanted feeling that was give to me. I never knew it could happen until it happened to me (oh yeah). Kidding aside, all my hard work paid off. I am always happy as I had to be or I'd break down, but I was never that happy.
I was called to the stage to receive the best actor award. The sad part was my parents weren't there to share that moment with me. Still, they were happy for me. They said so.
Before receiving the award and before the first show date however, my complaints have already clustered. I could easily cry about them and that was why my mind was set on quitting the guild after the playfest.
I decided to do my best and leave with a feeling of fulfillment as I had already expected that the probable mediocrity my resolution would show on stage would reserve no special credit whatsoever. However, I still played a big role and was given some compliments by a few good friends. Even more surprising was the fact that my best friend actually watched without me knowing that she was actually going to. I still can't remember how she bought a ticket. All I know is I saw that very familiar hand (plus basically the entire body) gesture from where I was after the curtain call and I knew. That was such a good feeling.
Honestly, I expected to get the promising actor award because I thought what I did was simply promising as that was what was said during the bloodbath. However, I wasn't even nominated. It was never not okay with me. I did not feel down, nor was I disappointed. Then the six (I think) nominees for best actor were called and I was one of them. I was so sure it was the other guy, but no. We were both called after everyone was told that there was a tie.
My heart probably skipped a beat but I really am not sure since everything was a blur in the dark theater. I was nervous for a moment and even felt that maybe, somehow, some way, maybe I didn't deserve the award. Then I remembered everything. Every moment, every second of every rehearsal. Every conversation, every word, every complain. One by one, my tears kept falling. I stopped them. The awards night ended and all the members of my group hugged.
People started congratulating those who got special awards. Then it came. A huge wave of happiness and relief and fulfillment. Then I couldn't stop them as the tidal wave overcame me and released itself through my eyes.
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