Time tata Time

Every weekend is a long weekend. Seeing as i'm only required and suggested to go to school for only four days a week. It is an enticing idea for those in the primary and secondary. Even more so the idea of being in charge of your own schedule. So, every three months, I change schedules. It's very experimental. There's a suggestive flowchart, but I thought yea fuck.

I didn't follow my flowchart. I spent more time planning my schedule than actually following it. Now I feel like I'm failing. I can only write about it to get it out off my chest. It will never be enough though. Although merely writing this now is already helping.

I was used to an academic life where I focused so much on academics because I pushed myself and so did others. Now, I feel like no one believes in me and I forgot about all the reasons as to why I even breathe. It's not sad. I'm not sad. I guess I'm just lost. It's really not bad. This entry is already helping as it is being written.

I've asked my dad about shifting to Literature. No one can really tell me whether I should quit or not. I guess everything really is up to me. All except maybe the fact that mom doesn't want me to shift out of accounting because it's always trending and will always be needed and shit. I guess it's a good degree, then. Actually, I know it's a good path and a good goal. It is very tedious, however. I hate it. I hate my course. Psychology seems to be too easy, it's not even interesting for me now. It used to be, but then it appears I'm actually more interested in sociology. Pow-tay-tow pow-tah-tow. Toe-mae-toe, toe-mah-toe. Well.

In the next five entries I promise to be taking actions about this shit.

No Place Like Home

I don't know about you, but there is no place like home. There's no privacy. It's where my heart is. There're so much secrets. I love everyone. I hate it. No one exactly runs it, but it stands. It's broken, but it's a family. A lot of firsts were here. Fists have been hurled at some people. Hurtful words which can never be taken back come from it's soil, nurtured it's roots into a fragile Yggdrasil. Food? How do I even begin to talk about food. Dreams came alive, so did nightmares. It's the safest place in a world where nowhere is safe.

An Epic About Me

I don't know what to write, but I have things I want to say. I have too much things that I want to write about. I just don't know how to say them.

School. I did really bad on my fourth term in college. Fifth term and I'm slightly better, but the old me remains unrivaled in academics. I despise what I have become. I'm not in an unfixable state yet I can't seem to fix it. Maybe it's my bones, maybe, it's my muscles. Worse, it cold simply be because life simply has no purpose and I should just stop thinking about my purpose in life and live on selfishly and robotic.

I'm starting to see some of the things that need fixing with myself. However, I have yet to learn about and accept what causes all these. I am happy-not blissful, but it suffices.

I'll never stop believing that I will make it and that I was made for something special. Maybe that's just optimism. I just hope it's not the blind kind.

I miss the way things were, and yet I love how things are right now. I don't hate anything. I'm not numb. However, somehow, I feel a void. The longing for what would fill it isn't there, though. I'm not scared, but I fear I am stuck.

I'll make it.

Clearly, there are somethings I have yet to clarify with myself. Seeing how I wrote what this followed, there are a lot of spaces which weren't in the past. They have to be filled. Until then, I