Weird Me

There's probably something wrong with me and how I was raised. It's like everywhere I go, whatever I do, whoever I'm with, I feel like I don't have the right to do anything. In my own standards, everything I do and say is a risk. I'm used to it and that's pretty much the reason why it's easy for me to take risks. At the same time, however, it's not easy for me to take control and exercise power. It can only be a dream for me to be able to stand on my own at the top of the world. I do feel like I'm at the top of the world with you, though.

We'll Get There

I don't know how we'll get there, but we will. I know we will.
Second term is over. I might have failed classes. I pray that I did not. I am not allowed to.
I was give the chance to play the lead role for this term's production. They just gave me the role. I wasn't given the chance to think about it or to turn it down. Or maybe I was just too scared to. So I accepted it. And it was a disaster. Well, to me it was. Most likely, to the rest of the guild, too. I was never able to do good because I was never really able to totally love what I was doing. Of course, that character would always have a special place in my heart. I've fallen in love with it. Maybe I didn't have what was needed to portray him properly. Maybe I just didn't feel like it. Maybe I just don't have anything at all.
On a positive note, I got something I never thought I would. Like ever. My fantasies came to life. I feel so lucky and blessed.
Catching up on a lot of things I missed. I don't know what to do now. Should I quit? Should I stay? Why? Why not? It is still an uninvited guest in my life. However, I have fallen in love with it. I am attached. It will hurt when I let it go. I wouldn't know what to do with my life without it, but I know I'll find something now that I have something special to live for. It isn't perfect, but I want it to be forever.
My Christmas Wishlist: Books. All books.

• Raven's Gate by Anthony Horowitz 
• Freefall by Gordon and Williams 
• Deeper by Gordon and Williams 
• Closer by Gordon and Williams 
• The 39 Clues: Cahills Vs. Vespers: A Kings's Ransom by Jude Watson 
• The 39 Clues: Cahills Vs. Vespers: The Dead Of Nightv by Peter Lerangis 
• The 39 Clues: Cahills Vs. Vespers: Shatterproof by Roland Smith 
• The 39 Clues: Cahills Vs. Vespers: Trust No One by Linda Sue Park 
• Lord Of The Rings by J.R.R Tolkien 
• The Chronicles Of Narnia by C.S. Lewis 
• Lemony Snicket's A Series Of Unfortunate Events 
• The Kane Chronicles by Rick Riordan
• The Scarlet Letter by Nathaniel Hawthorne
• The Rise Of Nine by Pittacus Lore Jinx On The Divide by Elizabeth Kay 
• The Mortal Instruments by Cassandra Clare 
• The Infernal Devices by Cassandra Clare 
• The Secrets of The Immortal Nicholas Flammel by Michael Scott 
• Semptimus Heap Series by Angie Sage 

That's not yet everything. I just know. And don't give me boxed sets unless the series is actually done.