I Miss My Bed

One thing about sacrifices is that they have to be for necessary reasons. In high school, one of the important things I learned is how to prioritize things. And now in college, I know by heart that my studies HAVE to come first.

Joining the university's theater guild, I knew that one of the consequences would be having to head home late everyday when preparing for a production. What I did not sign up for was the part where they leave me a few hours to sleep and procrastinate, and only Sundays to cram for all my studies and go to church.

Why I'm pissed off now is because I do not want mediocrity. I've known how to fear being mediocre. It's so close to the thing I fear the most. Failure.

And how am I supposed to be at my best when I can't even rest?

Why I Hated High School

I remember how high school totally took over my entire life by having a death grip on me from nine in the morning until seven-forty in the evening. I hated that. I hated how only my classmates were there. I hated how I had to wake up from a restless night of cramming only to go to school and nothing more. I hated how I still had to be in school most Saturdays of a scholastic year. I hated how it killed my in every way in could.

And now in college, it's happening again. But what I hate the most about this is the fact that I had a choice. I sometimes think I was lured into a trap.

Just a froshie, I was excited to join a big group. I don't do chorale classics so I already knew I'll never be there. I still tried though. The other singing group had very daring auditions so I couldn't try. I don't dance and so, I was left to try for the theater guild. I didn't like the one I got into when I was in high school so I was nervous about this one. Very unsure.

Then things became funneh. I got in. Rumor has it that I'm pre-casted for some big roles despite my failure of a monologue. People were warm at first. Then, everything changed when the fire nation attacked. Well, I just had to say that. Fuck it. Then the restless nights came.

My original schedule requires me to be in school before eight am and leave after either four-ten or two-thirty. I thought I had a lot of time because of the my routine in high school. Turns out, that was just adequate time to finally be a good student.

My bad. I joined a group that basically takes over my entire life. It was fun at first. But it became too tiring to be totally fun. The are still minutes of fun. But other than that, it's all sweat and walking and talking. -,- I don't like it anymore.

I'm thinking of quitting, but something might happen and I might even stay until the next term.